So, what is it? While progress marches forward, and technology reaches dizzying heights, are we humans conditioned to look at the world through a fractured, unhappy spyglass? Or are we, by nature, a happy lot resilient to the misfortunes life sometimes slaps us with from time to time? Romeo Vitelli states, “…happiness has a way of returning to what psychologists call a ‘set point’ or ‘baseline’ of happiness. Also known as the ‘hedonic treadmill,’ happiness seems to be as much about personality and genetic factors as it is about good things happening in your life” (Vitelli 1).
Vitelli shares data from De Neve’s study that was published in The Journal of Neuroscience, Psychology and Economics concerning the important role of serotonin and the discovery of the “happiness gene,” and the “depression gene” aka 5-HTTLPR, and the, “…strong correlation between ‘long’ and ‘short’ forms of the 5-HTTLPR gene and mood states such as optimism and depression” (Vitelli 2). I am a firm believer in the work that has been done with the 5-HTTLPR gene and its effects on the way we respond to life’s events. I know folks who have a “good income, steady employment, a strong family life, a good education, and good health,” (Vitelli 1) but are still miserable. They find other issues, sometimes completely unimportant issues, to complain about. As a matter of fact, I think they derive a sick form of happiness by being unhappy.
I understand how life events can traumatize an individual, the way Csikszentmihalyi writes about Europeans after WWII, as I have been scarred by a personal war. My list of tragic events reads more like fiction than fact: my mother abandoned me at the age of three months. After eight years of foster care, I returned to my father, who molested my sisters and me. During the subsequent trial, I was the only daughter to testify. Three more years of foster care followed. I have three children from three marriages (two of which ending in divorce), had three miscarries, endured the death of my eldest son and the deaths of six of my sisters (two of which committed suicide six months apart) as well as brother.
SISTERS
You left me behind; the youngest. Not allowed to tag along?
I stand in for photos and functions. Your children search my face, hoping to see a bit of yours.
They flock. A storm approaches. I shelter them beneath
broken wings. We somehow form a family. But what happened to the gaggle of girls I belonged to?
Each night we are together; we are all young and beautiful, our children are still small. Each day I am strapped into the carny ride of emotions.
Anger clicks up, up, up.
Grief shouts, hold on! Then sorrow plunges down, down, down until I can no longer breathe. Acceptance slows motion until I come to a complete stop, where memory waits to escort me home.
WATCHING ANTS
At first, I wanted the whole world to burn, every creature in it. Nothing left; no sea or poem. I didn’t care about the boy next door kicking dandelions off his lawn or the bamboo shoot poking up through the tar road to get to sunlight or the ants toiling to get dirt out of their hill. I just wanted it all to be gone, never to return.
How dare children laugh in the waves, and mothers smile in delight? How dare cars stay in their lanes doing speed limits? I wanted to sink to Hades, taking everyone with me.
No more breeze or starlight, or linguine with white clam sauce or two tea bags in a cup. Then after time smoothed the jagged edges of my pain, I saw life in her perpetual way continued. She did not have the luxury of lying in bed day and night, not caring, not wanting. Now I stop to watch ants build, thinking how silly we all are but the work must continue, doesn’t it?
POEM #7
The world is dripping green and
I fight to find reason to breathe.
The pines release aroma and
I struggle to remember life is precious.
The birds chirp, seek mates and
I battle dark demons.
The flowers show off and
I scuffle with my mistress.
The sun rises and falls and
I hold on for one more day.
UNNAMED
for Joey
Sometimes I can see him, the one who
could-have-been, our boy.
Your sea-green eyes, velvety brows, tall and dimpled chin,
blended with my full lips & curly hair; so full of possibility.
His birth date is fast approaching.
In high school: baseball, wrestling, poetry?
He, the magician who fooled the Universe,
didn’t desire to travel the dark tunnel
to cold air, bright light. Didn’t think the show
was worth the price of admission,
the one who told us to go on, live without him.
I have my own “black dog,” and he rears his head from time to time, but I think overall I still am a “glass half full” kind of person. So, is my, not only surviving but thriving, attitude due to this gene? I have been impoverished and dependent on welfare in order to raise my children, but also lived well off, owning a house in the Hamptons with a heated in-ground pool and other amenities. I agree with Csikszentmihalyi when he writes, “In fact, you can find that the lack of basic resources, material resources, contributes to unhappiness, but the increase in material resources does not increase happiness” (1). Csikszentmihalyi’s insights are, in part, derived from Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs,” a five-stage model that, according to McLeod, “can be divided into basic (or deficiency) needs (e.g. physiological, safety, love, and esteem) and growth needs (self-actualization)” (Flow, the secret to happiness).
I found an answer in Csikszentmihalyi’s “flow” and the seven conditions that are generated by it: focus, sense of ecstasy, sense of clarity, knowing exactly what you want, immediate feedback, it is possible to do, sense of time disappears, feeling part of the larger and it is worth doing for its own sake. (1) I have this with poetry. Writing poetry was, and still, sometimes, is, therapeutic. I learned to turn therapy into a craft. No matter what acts of self-destruction I committed I always came back to my salvation, poetry. I realized, with time, that my craft brought comfort, or at least voice, to not only me, but to others who have suffered.
Dan Gilbert speaks of “experience simulator” and “synthesized happiness” in his Ted Talk. He says we humans have a “psychological immune system” which, “help them change their views of the world, so they can feel better about the worlds in which they find themselves” (Gilbert). Despite the events in my life, I still possess a strong psychological immune system, and my ability to synthesize happiness is intact. The lack of “natural happiness,” that Gilbert speaks of, is the reason I have learned to create synthesized forms. I have recognized that when natural happiness does occur, I doubt its existence and fear embracing it due to its fragility. I see that this is my greatest challenge in life. I live a “happy” life with an axe hanging over my head, knowing it can swing at any moment. Maybe that is why I cherish the small gifts of joy as much as I do.
I think the happiness I have is derived from a combination of the “plain and fancy” or “heart and head” types that Russell writes about in his book, THE CONQUEST OF HAPPINESS, as I have my natural ability to write poetry, even with my dyslexia, and my education that enhances my writing. His listing of causes for unhappiness within a “social system” of “war, economic exploitation, of education in cruelty and fear,” (Russell) has always been with us ever since we walked upright out of caves. I doubt there will ever be a ceasing to these issues, but there may be a lessening of them. I believe it is in our DNA to be combative and yearn for possessions and passions which we do not, cannot possess. Progress and culture smooth the jagged edges of desire, but is the tradeoff losing a meaningful life? Must we anesthetize ourselves with: movies, alcohol, drugs and increasing speed of forms of travel? Is our world as apocalyptic as the media makes it out to be? Do we have the means to move away from the “disease model” of psychology that Martin Seligman speaks of in his Ted Talk entitled, The New Era of Positive Psychology? I think more of us need to embrace the three aims of positive psychology, those being, “concerned with human strength, being interested in the best things in life and making the lives of normal people fulfilling…” (Seligman). I am of the same opinion as Seligman that, “the problems of psychology seem to be parallel to the problems of technology, entertainment and design…” (Seligman 6). Another pitfall of technology is the “free choice paradigm” Gilbert speaks about. We are overwhelmed by choice. We freeze with indecision. Just think of all the cell phones we can choose from.
I turn to the poet, Max Ehrmann, who wrote “Desiderata” in 1927.His ending sums up nicely the philosophical issues I wanted to explore:
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
Works Cited
Flow, the secret to happiness. By Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Perf. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Ted Talks. 2008.
McLeod, Saul. "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs." 2014. Simply Psychology.
Russel, Bertrand. THE CONQUEST OF HAPPINESS. London: George Allen & Unwin LTD, 1930.
The New Era of Positive Psychology. By Martin Seligman. Perf. Martin Seligman. Ted Talks. 2009.
The surprising science of happiness. By Dan Gilbert. Perf. Dan Gilbert. Ted Talks. 2006.
Vitelli, Romeo. "Can Happiness be Genetic?" Media Spotlight (2013): 1-2.